Impostor footage. Not the brothers
Custom videos
Messagesfromtwo dogs
You ask Potato and Hash to say happy birthday to somebody you love. One short video, made for your person. Neither brother knows this is a service. This page is the whole of how that works, and it is written down in full before anybody can buy one.
Today
You cannot request one.
There is no order form, no waiting list and nothing to pay, so nobody has ever bought one. The terms below are complete and they are published early, so every word can be read before it matters rather than after.
Three answered, one still open
Three of these are settled. The price is not.
The times below are commitments rather than hopes. They are kept in one file with the figures on the returns page and the chargeback policy, so all three pages say the same thing and go on saying it.
A page like this normally fills the rest in with something plausible. The moment somebody plans a birthday around a plausible number, it stops being a guess and becomes a broken promise. So anything nobody has decided stays empty, in public, until somebody decides it.
- What one costs
- Not set
- Nobody has set one. There is no figure to publish, so none is printed here, and a plausible guess would do more damage than the blank does.
- How long it takes to make
- 3 to 10 business days
- Counted from a person accepting your request rather than from the moment you send it. Business days, so a request that lands on a Friday does not have a clock running over the weekend.
- When the finished video arrives
- Within 3 to 10 business days of us accepting it
- Making it and sending it are one window rather than two. The finished file goes to the email address you gave us on the day it is done, so there is no postage and nothing to wait for after that.
- How long a refund takes to land
- 5 business days from us, then up to 10 business days from your bank
- Two waits, and only the first one is ours. The second belongs to the card network, and it is written down separately rather than folded into one number that would sound friendlier.
Owner suppliedStill to be decided: what a custom video costs, the legal name of the business behind this site and the country whose law governs these terms. Every one of those is a real gap rather than a wording problem, and each is printed as a gap so nobody has to wonder whether it was settled and then quietly left out. Nothing can be sold until there is a price, which is the plainest reason there is no order form on this site yet.
Start to finish
How a request works
You tell us what you want, a person reads it, we make it, we send it to you. Five steps, and no part of it is automatic.
You fill in a short form
Who the video is for, what the occasion is, and what you would like the message to say.
You pay at that moment
Payment goes through Stripe. Your card details go straight to Stripe. This site never sees or stores your card number.
A human reads it
Potato and Hash are dogs and cannot read, so a person checks every single request before anything is filmed.
We film it, or we say no
If we can do it, we film it. If we cannot, we tell you and give your money back in full. You do not have to ask.
It arrives by email
The finished video goes to the address you gave us, within 3 to 10 business days of us accepting the request. Our email is sent through Resend and arrives from info@potatoandhash.com.
If we decline, you get every penny back. Automatically.
We can decline any request, for any reason, and we do not have to explain why. Most of the time the reason is dull: the brothers are asleep, or it is a busy week. When we decline, nothing is charged, and if it already has been then all of it comes back without you asking.
Cancelling, reshooting and refunds
Cancel at any point up to the moment filming starts and you get all of your money back. Write to info@potatoandhash.com and say so. Nothing has been made yet at that point, so there is nothing to argue about.
If we followed your brief and the file is unusable, you get one free reshoot. If it is not right, tell us and we will film it again. That is what the reshoot is there for: sound you cannot hear, a file that will not play, a name we said wrong.
Once the finished file has been delivered it is not refundable. Not liking the result is not the same as us getting it wrong, and there is nothing to send back. If something did go wrong on our side, write to us and we will sort it out like reasonable people.
When a refund is due, we issue it within 5 business days and your bank usually takes up to 10 business days after that to show it. Only the first of those two waits is ours.
A custom video is filmed for one person and cannot be resold, restocked or unmade, so it does not sit under the ordinary returns policy and it never will. These rules are what it has instead, and the chargeback policy states them too, because all three pages read the same file.
Where we stop
What we will not record
Potato and Hash are here to be kind. Some messages are not a good fit for two friendly dogs, and these are declined every time.
- Anything cruel, mean spirited, or meant to upset someone.
- Anything hateful toward a person or a group, including on the basis of race, religion, nationality, disability, age, sex, gender, or who somebody loves.
- Anything harassing, threatening, bullying or intimidating.
- Anything sexual.
- Anything illegal, or asking us to help with something illegal.
- Anything misleading, meaning a message written to make people believe something untrue.
- Anything built around a real person who has not been told about it. A surprise gift for a friend is lovely. A message aimed at somebody who never agreed to appear in one is not.
We also cannot promote another company, product, service, campaign or cause. If you want to talk about working together, write to info@potatoandhash.com rather than sending it in as a video request.
Who owns it
We own the film. You own the copy.
We filmed it and edited it, so it stays ours. What you get is permission to keep it and enjoy it, which is the part that actually matters.
You may
- Download it and keep your own copy.
- Watch it as many times as you like.
- Show it to family and friends.
- Post it on your own social accounts, if you want to.
Please do not
- Sell it, or charge anybody to watch it.
- Use it in an advertisement or to promote a business.
- Edit it in a way that changes the meaning, or that makes it look like Potato and Hash said something they did not say.
Private delivery and public sharing
These are two different things and the difference matters.
Private delivery is the normal way. We make your video and send it to you. It is yours. We do not post it anywhere. Nobody sees it unless you show them.
Public sharing only happens if you say yes. The request form has a checkbox and it starts unticked. Leaving it alone means no. If you say yes and later change your mind, write to us and we will take the video down from the places we control. We cannot pull back copies other people already saved, which is worth knowing before you tick it.
Two last honest notes
A message, not an endorsement. A custom video is a friendly note for a person or an occasion. It is not a recommendation, a review, a sponsorship or support for any business, product, campaign or point of view, and please do not present it as one. Potato and Hash have opinions about cheese and very little else.
No promise of a particular result. We will do our best to make something you love. We cannot promise how the person receiving it will feel, and we cannot promise that a dog will do a particular trick on a particular day. Dogs are dogs.
If these terms change, the version that was on the site when you sent your request is the version that applies to it.
Not legal adviceOwnership, licensing, refund rights and the use of a named person's likeness are all areas where the law differs sharply between countries. This page is written to be understood, not to be relied on as drafted, and it has not been reviewed by a lawyer.
Talk to us
Ask now, long before it opens.
If any part of this is unclear, the time to say so is while it can still be changed. One address, info@potatoandhash.com, and a real person reads it.